Earlier this year, the reveal of Sloclap’s Rematch sent me into spirals of introspection about the classist origins of my apathy for football. Inazuma Eleven: Victory Road is sending me into spirals of introspection about the fact that maybe football was a Dragon Quest RPG all along. Hypersonic penalty kicks that wreathe the ball in purple fire? Nobody told me football was this rad. So many years wasted, playing effing grass hockey.

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